Dirty php

Who says you can't program dirty in php?

<?php
/* set level of interest */
$forplay=true;
$sex="sure";
$dirtyPhrase = array["again", "yes, yes", "don't stop","deeper!"];

while (i<10; i++) {
if ($forplay == true) {
smile(true);
flirt(true);
kiss(true);
slap(true);
tickle(true);
squeeze butt(true);
kiss a lot more(true);
} else {
excuse ("I have a headache.");
}

if ($sex == "sure") {
/* undress */
shirt(off);
pants(off);
bra(off);
echo $dirtyPhrase[1];
panties(off);
echo $dirtyPhrase[3];
sex(normal);

}else{
excuse ("cold shower");
}
}

?>